Calm

Updated: Dec 27, 2020

It’s amazing to me, how a little bit of honesty can completely change a situation. When you only have part of the information with a significant piece being deliberately withheld anything happen.


I've recently had a couple of conversations that have created in me a great calm. I know, I know, center of the hurricane, calm before the storm, yada, yada, yada. I choose to believe that there has been growth and understanding and that trust is building. I've decided I need to start naming the people I'm talking about in these posts so that it will be easier for you to follow, and 6-months from now, I'll know what I was talking about. No, I'm not going to use anyone's real name. The point of this blog is anonymity. If I felt I could actually talk to anyone in my social circle, I wouldn't have spent the money on a website.


Ok, let's call my husband Charles. Let's call the crush, aka super cute guy that pushes me emotionally and intellectually, Kurt. Let's call the passionate cuddler Michael, and finally (for now) let's call the comfortable lover David. Hopefully that helps all of us keep this straight.


Kurt called me the other day and started opening up about situations in his past and it was really obvious how they impact his present. Now instead of feeling rejected, I have understanding.


Charles and I have a continual, on-going dialogue as any married couple should. We broached the subject that caused a ruckus a few posts ago and were able to have a very good discussion. It turns out that there was some untraveled territory that needed discovery. I'm glad we were able to speak our minds without hurting each other. No one was mad, no one felt threatened or excessively hurt. It was just calm relating what we think/thought, how we feel/felt. It was terrific. I think I can say we both feel heard and respected. Yay Us!


Looks like Michael is coming over for dinner on Friday. I'm cooking. Doing the whole holiday meal thing. We'll have left overs for literally days. Charles said he isn't comfortable with Michael. I offered that perhaps either of them could reach out to the other and begin to become acquainted. Other than a brief dinner the three of us shared many weeks ago, they haven't had any conversation. Obviously, Michael and I have. I tell Charles everything. I won't lie about where I've been, or what (or who) I've done. Honesty is too important to me. We'll see how this progresses.


Then there is David. I do so enjoy my time with David. My last visit was very different, however. I've never been at a guys house (that I barely know) where we're cuddled on the couch watching a movie and he falls fast asleep - through the whole movie. We adjourn to the bedroom for some serious cuddling (+) to commence and again, almost instantly asleep. I guess he was not having a good day. He said it was a good thing, because it showed he was comfortable. I dunno. Not sure how to feel about that, but I'm not loosing any sleep over it either.


Met a new guy, let's call him Melvin. Melvin is visiting from out of town. Melvin is a versatile guy, in every respect. He's also into fisting. I'll be honest, there is something about that that fascinates me. I don't know if I could be a bottom and get fisted. I may find out. I met Melvin for a casual meet and greet and honestly, I like him. He seems real. We discussed expectations and prep, some do's and don'ts. It was a comfortable conversation around an uncomfortable topic. He'll be around for about another full week. No idea if we'll meet up again and have some sexy time or not. Stay tuned.


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