Heart shreds

Take your emotional heart and throw it into a food processor for a rough chop. A paper shredder will do. Make sure you’re conscious the whole time and acutely aware of what is happening. That’s how I feel.

i guess the last 12 years trying to build a life here was meaningless. OK, not totally meaningless, I do have my husband. He’s still here and moving along with me. Other than him, I see no point in it. This community has hurt me over and over. It’s clear I don’t fit in. I’ve worked endlessly.

I’ve said before that anger is pain trying not to appear vulnerable. This time I know I’m hurt. The anget flares don’t last a minute before the sadness takes over. The internal screams never stop now.

All I can do is keep doing what I do. Going to work. Deciding to stay in town to avoid the drive, or to come home for some sense of comfort and normalcy. Packing. Looking for a decent place to live. Moving on.

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