Sadness - anxiety - love

Updated: Dec 16, 2020

That’s a really exciting title that just makes you wanna jump right in!

It’s been an interesting journey through the friend-zone. I’ve had instants when I thought of him and I literally lost my breath and couldn’t speak. Another time I thought of him and felt sadness. You might be thinking - get over yourself, it was a crush, not a long-time love - but there is something you need to know: I love deeply, and quickly.

While I grant that there is an emotional component to love, and that our feelings would tell us we are 'in love' (or sometimes lust), truthfully, love is simply a choice. I wake up in the morning and make a choice to continue to love the people in my life. Sometimes that is the easiest choice I could be asked to make, and an unconscious one at that. Other times it seems like the hardest ask of my lifetime. Love, however, is not a light switch - turned on, or off at will. I don't believe in falling in love, or out of love. Love is a continuum. On the left you have a basic acknowledgement that the person exists, and have a minimum amount of positive regard for them as a fellow human being. On the right you have unconditional positive regard, as close to pure altruistic love as a human can muster. The other continuum is the opposite of love, but we'll save that for another day.

I feel things very deeply. My heart is tender and I put it out there often. I know that my feelings won't be reciprocated in-kind and that will hurt, but I do it anyway. I love to love. There is not enough demonstration of male love in the world. Men have been told to shield their emotions, not to cry, not to's a load of crap. This society has stunted men's emotional growth and development and created a vacuum of love.

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